Comfortable Place

My most comfortable place is...


YOU GUESSED IT....

on the toilet.

Now I know what you may think, "toilet? why in the world would you be comfortable there?" Well I'll tell you.

Imagine this, there is a murderer in your house and it is impossible to escape him, and (as a side note) when all people die occasionally a person will "release their bowels" as all of the muscles in the body relax and the person kicks the bucket. Therefore, I feel as if a toilet would be very comfortable place because i can squeeze out that last poo, BEFORE I GET MURDERED. Therefore i would not look silly when I am found dead. AND LORD KNOWS THE COP WILL SAY SOMETHING LIKE "He pooped himself... must of been a punk scaredy cat." But of course that could of been in terms that were much more hurtful.

Also if I had one of those cushions, you know, the kind that would always be in grandma's house and would always be warm because for some reason as you get older your ability to sit on hard surfaces diminish and your seat needs to always be heated. ANYWAYS, I feel like if you had that AND you could poop right before you're murdered you would have the ultimate comfortable room. Because thats physical and mental security AMIRIGHT?

Speaking of which when I was a child, I saw a movie (don't remember the name) where this person was being bullied. In fact I bet it wasn't a movie at all I bet it was Ned's declassified school survival guide. Then when people would bully Ned he would run into the bathroom and somehow "vanish" aka put his feet up on the toilet and lock the stall. Of course I' vve never had this problem because I'm awesome, but of course a part of me felt the fear Ned was feeling, it was as if I was Ned for a period of time. IT WAS CRAZY.

It's unbelievable that the simple things in life are the most extraordinary, the toilet blog was not a joke, this was a true realization that places you spend a lot of time, a bedroom, a classroom, a court, a pool, a bathroom, are the places where you feel the most relaxed. This is because it is impossible to feel at home where you have never been.  As well as the greatest memories people ever have are with their families; playing a game, or being together.


So... Yeah....

<3
Matt Out
Video soon

 

My Childhood, expressed in one experience

Hey.
Guess I'll just spill ideas.

Well an idea.



Alright.

So, to give back story to my event, I would always go to my mom's office at DRC (Dispute Resolution Center, where she is an accountant) and at this office I would bring legos and my homework and just spend hours there... sitting.

So one day my mother and I stayed really late. It was a friday, and she was working super hard... YOU KNOW GETTING THAT OVERTIME MONEYYYYY... and obviously looking back she was exhausted, but it was time to leave and lets just say, I was not in the car when she left.

Then, being a 5 or 6 year old in an empty office I decided to do all they funny things I could think of..

1) I cursed, that was cool, aside from me feeling guilty and telling my mom. She was unhappy with that.
2) Got on the elevator and just rode it up and down about 30 times
3) Got one of the roller chairs, you know the kind that every middle-aged worker owns, and sprinted at a staircase and let it roll down the stairs.
4) Broke some pencils
5) Ran out of stuff to do so I stepped outside to see if my mom was back

Stepping outside was mistake number one, but the second mistake was letting the door close, because when the door closed it locked. So I was locked out of this brick building, all alone in the dark.

Naturally I did the grown-up thing, sat down, and cried for about 7 minutes. Then my mom pulled up and I got in the car and went home. Just like it is now.... Nancy comes in clutch.

Hope you enjoyed, and immmm I didn't proofread.... hope none of you are upset with me for that.